Illegal Aliens

I’m not speciesist, okay? I have absolutely nothing against Earth’s other sentient races. I’d be in quite the wrong town if I did, as Glasgow has one of the largest Deep One communities in Europe. They migrated here after the government raids on Irvine in the 1920s and are a welcome dash of exoticism in the not-particular-varied Scottish climate. Even if you occasionally find yourself sitting on the train across from a boss-eyed horror from the abyss, I’m sure their insane sleeping god loves every one of them. And their fish and chips are excellent if you don’t look too closely at the fish.

It’s the same with the Morlocks. We have a couple of Morlock cleaners at work and they’re fine. They do the work at night, so no probs with the sun and, the occasional forgivable lapse into cannibalism aside, do a bang up job.

Silurian, Gorilla City gorilla, pixie or Immortal, the more the merrier in my book. Half the other species have been here since before humanity anyway, so I’m chronologically the immigrant.

However, on leaving work today I saw that one of our cleaners was obviously a Skrull, occasional foes of the Fantastic Four. Pointed ears, rough chin, the lot. Skrulls are from Andromeda, for pity’s sake! You’re telling me that she couldn’t find work in the whole of her own freaking galaxy? And they’re shape changers to, making this one too lazy to change her craggy fizzog any more than switching skin tone from green to pink.

I just think we should look after people and things from our planet before we start letting in militaristic reptilian aliens to do our housework, that’s all.

Or maybe there are just a whole bunch of ugly people in Glasgow. That could be it.