Longest Gaps Between Doctor Who Episodes

1. 3,225 days from Doctor Who* to Rose
   
2. 2,394 days from Survival 4 to Doctor Who
   
3. 525 days from Revelation of the Daleks 2 to The Trial of a Time Lord 1**
   
4. 303 days from Dragonfire 3 to Remembrance of the Daleks 1
   
5. 289 days from Logopolis 4 to Castrovala 1
   
6. 281 days from The Twin Dilemma 4 to Attack of the Cybermen 1
   
7. 278 days from Time-Flight 4 to Arc of Infinity 1
   
8. 275 days from The Trial of a Time Lord 14 to Time and the Rani 1
   
9. 254 days from The King’s Demons 2 to The Five Doctors
   
10. 245 days from The Greatest Show in the Galaxy 4 to Battlefield 1
    
11. 231 days from The Horns of Nimon 4 to The Leisure Hive 1***
    
12. 218 days from Planet of the Dead to The Waters of Mars

(* That’s its name. My spreadsheet, my rules.)
(** The 18 month suspension or ‘cancellation crisis'’. See note above re: naming of Season 23.)
(*** Due to the cancellation of Shada)

It's a Top 12 to show the longest break in the new run. So on 31/07/12 this will become the longest break since the show came back.

If the series doesn't start on or before 20/10/12, the gap will surpass everything except the Top Three cancellation/suspension-related breaks.

Side note - man, Who got messed about in the '80s.

So, I wrote a review of Richard Herring's Me1 vs Me2 Snooker podcast, he which liked enough to comment on and link to the twitching remnants of this blog, and so I present the review for the record:

The end of everything
In a culture overly focused on sport, art, mental health, identity, competence and excitement, Herring delivers a hammer blow to all these phantoms that is at once devastating and as gradual as suffocation by an annual grain of rice.

The walls have fallen and the howling void that is not even a void has been revealed. There is no need to ask what we can do after this, as it leaves nothing in which to do anything.

A star rating? Irrelevant by dint of it being the only thing that is relevant.

All the starts that ever were, collapsing into a single point so small that it ceases to be.

Rich is on tour. You should go see him.

Fair fa' your plastic packet seals
Great chieftain o' the ready meals!
Picked up oan 3-fur-2 type deals,
Wi’ a pasta.
Fer oven cook the film it peels.
Micro’s faster.

Yon tray wi’ random bits o’ sheeps
An’ pre-packed layers o’ tatties, neeps
Placed in yon box with five quick beeps
Ye start tae spin.
And then be left to stand and steep
Fer just wan min.

It says ‘Serves wan, yon pack provides
A fair chunk o’ your daily guides
Of stuff bad fer your poor insides.
Such as ‘sat fat’.
(But no-one in Scotland abides
Who cares ‘boot that.)

And then naebody goes and learns
The five or so lines of Rab Burns
They meant to, so they skip their turns
And huv their drams.
Frae Morningside tae Newon Mearns
And bits wi’ bams.

Oh yes, I can positivise anything to do with the best TV program ever. Not a hoax! Not a trolling attempt! Think you don’t want WhoSA as well as WhoK? Prepare to change your mind.

1. There would be a ton of it – Twenty-odd new episodes of Doctor Who per year? How on Earth could that be a bad thing? Even if it’s films, you know that the first one will be called Doctor Who: Something of the Somethings, ready for a sequel. Heck, film three at the same time.
   


2. It wouldn’t affect WhoK - Remember how nobody talks about the original ‘The Office’ now the American version is so popular? Or how Fawlty Towers was ruined by the poor American version ‘Amanda’s’? No? That’s because those things did not happen. 
   
   On the film side of things, do you really want a whole year’s production time and budget to go into two hours of Who? Let America take the strain on that, and BBC Wales can produce a whole new series at the same time.
   


3. It might be great – You know your favourite American writers of TV SciFi? Fiver says they are massive Doctor Who fans and thought they’d never get to write for it due to the British focus. They’ll be battering down the studio’s door. Same with films.
   


4. It might be terrible – Come on, admit it, you like a bit of wonky not-quite-Who as much as I do. Peter Cushing on a drizzly Sunday? Perfect. Studio interference could leave it like blue cheese. You know it doesn’t taste nice, but you can’t keep away.
   


5. It would be different – Okay, this one only really works if, like me, you like the fact that Doctor Who almost completely changes every five years or so. But if that is that case, having two different versions running at the same time is exponentially enjoyable.
   


6. Think of the crossovers – Companions! Enemies! Doctors! (On anniversaries and the like.) This ties in to my firm belief that all countries should have their own Doctor. A hundred different timelines cross-fertilising! 
   


7. Think of the merchandising – Yes, there’s a lot now, but imagine it cranked up to Hollywood levels. Proper Lego! Halfway-decent videogames! Cuddly every-damn-thing! Probably not Happy Meals, but a fellow can dream.
   


8. It would get American kids interested – Doctor Who is a show for kids. Kids and their families, yes, but without the kids you might as well not bother. In America it’s currently only being pushed to geeks. Let’s fix that. 
   


9. It would cement The Doctor as an archetypal character – Sherlock Holmes, Robin Hood, Batman, Spider-Man. What do they all have in common? A bajilion screen versions. A new one for every age. Did anybody moan that Tim Burton’s Batman didn’t tie up with the ‘60s TV series? If they did, they were silly people. 
   


10. It might stop Americans watching WhoK – Okay, so you just don’t like the idea of WhoSA existing, that’s fine. This one’s for all the moaners in the UK who bang on about ‘our’ show being broadcast the same week in the States or filmed there to ‘suck up to’ America. What if it acts as containment facility for American Who fans? What if they’re as insular as you are and decide to stick to their home-grown version? You might never have to read the phrase ‘Tom Baker on PBS when I was a kid’ ever again!
    
    (Disclosure – I don’t really think this last one, but I’m willing to offer an olive branch to these oddly parochial followers of the most all-embracing of TV shows.)

So, there you go. I have conclusively proved that it would be great. Hopefully my plane ticket to LA to act as a consultant won't be too held up by the Christmas post.

Anyway, as I was saying...

Oh, hang on, I just have to nip out again for a bit.

So, today I've drawn up the plan for my first series in charge of the popular BBC Television science-fiction show 'Doctor Who'. 

It goes like this:

Big Ben Must Die
He doesn’t know why he woke up on some waste ground. He doesn’t know anything about his past. He doesn’t know why he’s being chased. He doesn't even know where he parked. All he knows is that he is The Doctor, and he must stop Big Ben chiming noon.

Quintessence of the Quarks & Deception of the Dominators
They are his most relentless enemies. They have enslaved countless worlds. Their name brings fear to all civilised races. They are the… Quarks? Lead by their megalomaniac creator… Quavros? The danger is real, but The Doctor cannot shake the feeling that the history is off.

Run
Ada King, Countess of Lovelace. The daughter of Lord Byron and the first computer programmer, devising an algorithm for Babbage’s Analytical Engine. But it was never built, so how does she have one in her parlour, and what does its strange output mean?

Office Hours
Booking confirmed - conference room three. Your project will be assigned on entry. Failure to complete the project to a satisfactory standard will result in disciplinary action. Attempting to leave the conference room before completion of the project will result in disciplinary action.

Revenge of the ‘80s & Revenge of the ‘80s II
Fashions come back all the time. They’re not usually accompanied by technology of the period, though. Or the politics. The 1980s are being recreated by something driving the Cold War to a different, more apocalyptic end.

The Reptile in the Room
What’s a peace conference without at least one assassination? Just when Homo Sapiens and Homo Reptilia were finally about to divide up the Earth, the lead Reptilian negotiator is found frozen to death in their quarters. Not that many people on the planet wanted the negotiations to succeed anyway, but what of those off it?

It’s a Small World War
Everything is relative. If you’re a blue blob, it doesn’t matter that your people’s whole domain is only twenty feet across. All that matters is conquering the green blob menace. If you’re the Doctor, all that matters is getting the blue blobs to free your TARDIS, without helping them commit (tiny) genocide.

Unsettled
The Badeece have ruled a million systems for a million years. Now they have conquered the Roanoke colony, England’s first foothold in the New World. Of course they know why they’ve done it, it’s just... classified... probably.

The Doctor Who Came to Dinner
You are invited to the House on the Hill for cocktails, five courses, and the solving of the murder of the last of the Time Lords (to be arranged). Dress – formal.

The Next Door & Time of the Lords
They have returned, but they were never here. They are the bringers of order, but destruction comes with them. They are a new beginning, but the end of everything.


Christmas is Cancelled
No crackers, no carols, no cards. No turkey, no tinsel, no trees. The Doctor is on a mission to ruin everybody’s Christmas, but the big man in the red suit won’t be so easily thwarted.

I went to a wedding. It was fun, I had fun, I would recommend this wedding to anyone of my age. I would also recommend that anyone of my age work out how long it last was since they went a ceilidh, and adjust their dance schedule accordingly. Ow.

Anyway, the most important and moving part of the ceremony was, of course, my reading. A few people asked for an encore on the day, having been distracted by small shouty people, but sadly there was free beer so that didn't happen.

I therefore re-present here:

( A Lovely Love Story, by Edward Monkton )

Welcome the wonderful world of the Doctor Who comment. I'm sure you're very excited and keen to get on with letting everybody know your opinions, but caution - you can't just go posting any old rubbish, oh no.

You have to pick a particular style of rubbish.

Let's have a look at a few examples, and hopefully you'll be able to find one that suits your own individual borderline personality disorder.

The 'Little Knowledge is a dangerous thing'

Der! Can nobody count? Zero regenerations.

He had 12 regenerations, he's used 11, and the 12th belongs to the Dream Lord / Valeyard.

[Later clarification] One for each transition = 10, plus one for that incident with the hand and Donna = 11.

The 'Presumably Makes Sense to You'

1. the division clearly shows what happens at the "kids table," i'll be avoiding those "ASBO" yammering. for better or (more) worse, Luke's replacement is inevitable -- they're just sidekicks after all.
2. Tegan is ... fighting for Aborigine rights -- her M.O. is to throw everyone under the bus... while having a fit trying to figure out the controls.

The 'Doctor Who is Serious Business'

Either the Doctor must one day address the issue with the dignity it deserves or someone with authority on the matter must relay the information as it is and explain why the regeneration limit has changed. IMHO

The 'Not Angry, Just Disappointed (and Pompous)'

For a writer to have the lead character ambiguously contradict long established canon so flippantly, reflects entirely on the writer.

The 'I Am Apparently Watching a Different Show to Everybody Else'

People watch the Sarah Jane Adventures? No offense to those that enjoy the show, but it seemed like lite beer to me compared to the original series. I like dark full bodied Who, not watered down Who.

The 'Why Am I Surrounded by Imbeciles?'

I love how STUPID people who claim to be reporters are. The line was NOT “How many times can you regenerate” it was “How many times can you CHANGE?” Which is a helluva a lot different from REGENERATE. Romana changed SEVERAL times before settling on a final form for Romana II. And the second Doctor was given a number of choice to change into while being forced to regenerate. Never confuse the facts with the truth. They are so very different. LOL

A medley of the 'Keeping It All in Perspective' and the 'What Are You Really Angry About?'

Way to destroy the complete integrity of the program and jump all over the graves of dozens of hugely talented writers and actors who made Doctor Who what it was.

Not that Russel T Davies didn't manage to do that in his second episode with the fart gags. I've seen dead cats with more writing talent than RTD. The man isn't fit to lick the boots of Robert Holmes or Terrance Dicks (The true creators of Sarah Jane Smith).

Don't worry if none of these styles really suit your TRUE FAN perspective, just have a look at a Doctor Who forum and you'll see dozens more, each as entrenched as the last. If you're very lucky, you might even get to see one line in a spin-off program result in a hundred posts about what counts as 'canon'.

WARNING - When typing you comments, DO NOT imagine them transposed to a different children's show. This will make the whole thing seem a bit silly.

"Trumpton died for me today!"
"This lazy hack of a producer is ruining In the Night Garden!"
"The new Tinky Winky is a pale imitation of his predecessor!"

-

With 'thanks' to:

This Guardian article for the first two examples.
This Den of Geek article for the second two.
This io9 article for the fifth.
SFX for the penultimate.
This other Guardian article for the final crowning example.

So, today I had to go to a feedback meeting at work regarding the recent employee survey. This was voluntary, in the sense that the manager drew my name and said I had to go. I did indicate the Pyrenees of paper where my desk used to be in an attempt to show that I was slightly busy, but no dice.

The following are my notes. (Mental ones, I didn't bother taking a pad.)

• Why is everybody complaining that the Executive Committee are not visible enough? I'm so far down the line it's like the inhabitants of Innsmouth moaning that Cthulhu isn't responding to their black sacrifices.
  
  
• This table is the shape of the prongs on Galactus' helmet. Hey, I wonder if it could be re-arranged to form a logo for The Wheat?
  
  
• People aren't understanding the company's goats? Well, they puzzle me too. Oh - goals. This projector is terrible.
  
  
• We are using ORC's industry salary benchmarks? That explains it. They'd be happy with a pig on a spike and a goblin to bully. Not that I'd say no to a goblin.
  
  
• The chocolate digestives must be passed to the left, like port.

Conclusion - maybe they should have sent somebody who cares enough to remember what they're getting paid. My only request of the company has always been that, if they sack me, they tell me on the Friday.

I don't want to go ironing a whole week of shirts for no reason.